WAIT! Weight? It affects your public effect.

So, I have been involved with athletics for many years. I have worked with both male and female athletes and coaches. I have been an athlete myself. And, let's face it, I am a woman. A woman with a capital WOMAN! I understand ALL too intimately, the weight issue. I am like the Oprah of mid-life crisis, ex-cheerlebrity, VH1 fat club stars.

I am the yo-yo of: Weight should not define OR make YOU.... cause WAIT! It does for me! Most of my life it seems weight has been an issue. I noticed that WAIT! Weight can, and does affect your public effect. That is if you are an E! Entertainment junkie or read any form of media today.

Especially if you like Karl Lagerfeld. He tries desperately to put the "IN" in SKINNY! To be honest, he is SO rail thin that I can take him. I know I can. I am just waiting for the 2 of us to meet up in some dark, alley. It will be THEN that he will get some sense knocked into him.

Karl Lagerfeld, the eccentric German fashion designer, has waded into the debate about size-zero models by stating that people prefer to look at "skinny models", and those who do not are "fat mummies".
Lagerfeld, 71, was reacting to the magazine Brigitte's announcement last week that it will in future use "ordinary, realistic" women rather than professional models in its photoshoots. He said the decision by Germany's most popular women's magazine was "absurd" and driven by overweight women who did not like to be reminded of their weight issues.
"These are fat mummies sitting with their bags of crisps in front of the television, saying that thin models are ugly," Lagerfeld said in an interview with Focus magazine. The creative director of the fashion house Chanel added that the world of fashion was all to do "with dreams and illusions, and no one wants to see round women".

For more on this story please go to: http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/oct/12/lagerfeld-size-zero-thin-models

On behalf of all of the girls who believe this garbage or are boycotting his clothing because of his insensitive behavior, I would like to wish Mr. Lagerfeld a Happy Slapsgiving! In other words, I would like to slap the happy out of him for giving so many women a complex. I have been out in the world trying to convince girls not to listen to this kind of stuff!! I am the ANTI-KARL!!

I would ask some of his models to do it but I don't think they have the strength or muscle to do so. Where is Tyra when we need her?!? C'mon Tyra! Embrace this!! Make Karl kiss your fat ass!! - (Or will that take you away from your self promotion? I know the world revolves around you.) According to Karl, his models are not anorexic. They just have psychological issues that affect their weight. So.... it's okay to be a headcase as long as it keeps you skinny? Tyra? Any thoughts?

I have been curvy. "Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake."~Author Unknown

• "Your body is the baggage you must carry through life. The more excess the baggage, the shorter the trip."- Arnold H. Glasgow
  
• "The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you’re hungry again" - George Miller
  
• "Don't dig your grave with your own knife and fork."~English Proverb

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• I have been skinny. - "If you wish to grow thinner, diminish your dinner.
  
  
  "The rest of the world lives to eat, while I eat to live."- Socrates
  
• I made a lot of friends over the years and I would always look at what they were eating. All of them were skinny. I would think that I would like to eat like that. Suzanne Somers
  
• Kids called me 'Skeletor' as a kid because I was so skinny. Cameron Diaz
  
• Tall, sandy blonde, with sort of blue eyes, skinny
  in places, fat in others. An average gal. Uma Thurman

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And - I have been criticized both ways. I have been loved both ways. I have been sad. AND- I have been happy at both ranges of the spectrum.

It's amazing to me the people who consider weight a BIG issue. (ha! punny!) The same people who pulled me aside and told me I needed to work out were the same people who pulled me aside and told me I needed to gain weight.

As a cheerleader, I had stunt partners who would say things like, "You stunt really well for a big girl!" - I weighed 128 at the time. I also had people, at that same weight, pull me aside and tell me that I needed to work out so that I had a more effective public affect on others.

Then I learned something about my family history that I never knew. Stress. It seems to show itself in physical ways on my body. The harder I stress, the more agada, (Ah-ja-da. It's a word that means stress... heartburn... or general stomach upset), I feel. Agada makes it difficult to eat. Imagine waking up from a terrible flu or with a hangover that makes you feel sick. That is what stress does to me.

There was a time when I was SO stressed out that I felt sick all the time. I went to see Dr's. They told me it was allergies caused by my move from the north to the south. Then they told me it was IBS. The thing is, 10 years ago, IBS was not common knowledge. So doctors would shake their head, tell me to take Citrucel and drink plenty of fluids. So I did. And I ended up weighing 106.

I was called Anna (rexi). This caused even more stress. In a world of cheer, you are supposed to be happy! Put on your bow and a smile and cover it up. I laid in bed at night and prayed to gain weight. I begged God to let me be one of those girls who could eat and needed to go to the gym. Yes. These were actual prayers of mine. I wanted to eat! LOVED to eat. But couldn't. The more pressure I got, the more acidic production and ulcers that seemed to form.

What does a fat girl trapped inside a skinny body do next? She goes on meds to fix the agada. Those meds almost stopped the agada. But they also dried me up. They made me irregular. I know many of you women can relate. I ate apples. I drank prune juice. I drank gallons of water. Nothing. I feel like there is an cement foundation in my upper and lower GI.

Plus, they slow you down. Everything about you slows down. Your metabolism, your drive, and many other things. I felt like a herd of turtles racing through peanut butter. Slow and steady wins the race.

So this brings me to this past weekend. Although I am off of the meds, eating better, and trying to get hydrated, there is still the matter of the cement wall. I had a friend say to me, "So, I see you are working on baby #3!" Not pregnant.

Word of advice. Unless you are POSITIVE a woman is pregnant, don't assume. Especially once we give birth. Our fetal hotels and baby pouches, (FUPA's), are used to expanding. Just wait for us to tell you. If we are pregnant, we will yell it from the mountains so that noone mistakes us as fat. If we don't say anything, we are aware of the FUPA bump.

I mean, just the day before in the mirror I was thinking about how I looked like I was wearing Robin William's fat suit from Mrs. Doubtfire. I can think that about myself. You can think it too. You have my permission. But if you say it out loud, you open yourself up to a Happy Slapsgiving just like Karl. There WILL be a dark alley. I WILL be waiting. And yes, when you get slapped, I WILL put my weight into it. I mean, I am slapping for 2 now. Me and my agada.

So, this Thanksgiving, pass the turkey, stuffing and the desserts - TO ME! I will try them all. And you should too. Be thankful for the person you are. Don't let numbers get in the way of your happiness. And be kind to others. You never know when what you may say, even if you mean well, can affect a person.