Eargasms, Jenisms, and NUH!!!!!

Probably one of BEST feelings in the world is an eargasm. Seriously. I should own stock in Johnson & Johnson Q-tips. I can easily use at least 10 Q-tips a day. This is one of those tiny quirky things about me. And it's contageous.....


My good friends have known about the eargasms for a while. I always have a plethera of wax removal devices within reach. Most of the time, I am SO intent on the maintenance of my little Pinna and the Meatus, - (notice how I just dropped that little bit of anatomy in your lap? Like I was a professor or something. That right. With confidence too. Almost made me sound smart too.... WORD!!), - that the canal itself becomes an intense nerve waiting to be satisfied.

My intense ear fixation seems to be almost Pavlovian. I think about my ear, or see it in some reflective surface, and the addiction begins. I tell myself, just this one time, just to reward myself for waiting so long, I will reward myself with a little itch. Just a quick one. I will not be labor intensive with my chore... it's healthy... everyone does it....I MUST satisfy this intense need. MUST SCRATCH THE ITCH!!!










I keep the woofers and tweeters on the sides my head clean, so usually nothing comes out. I have taken my eargasm seminar not only across the country, but into other countries as well. There are a few things you need to know about today's highlighted body part - the ear....

• Cerumen is the medical term for earwax.


• There are 2 kids of earwax: wet, (dominant trait), or dry, (recessive). Most East Asians and Native Americans are likely to have the dry while caucasians and Africans are most likely to have the honey brown colored wet type.
  
  

• I am caucasian AND I have the dry type - therefore, I continue my motto of: Proving People Wrong Since 1974!




• Fear, stress, and anxiety can increase the production of the ceruminous glands. That means if you are a walking ticking time bomb of stress or anxiety - **Ring ring! Pot? This is the kettle. You're black!!**



• Jaw movement helps to aid the natural cleanin process of the ear. You would think that would keep me safe from needing the Q-tip - and I do NEED it. But no, my flapping jaws has no effect on my audio addiction.



• Do you think it's coincidental that the company that makes Q-tips is named Johnson??? I mean, if you think about it, it IS metaphorically appropriate to suggest that cleaning the ear is sexual in nature.



• Think about it - you have a Johnson, and then you insert this object into a wet, moist canal.... the canal feels incredible.... That's why I say, in the scheme of life, I am glad I am the canal and not the Q-tip. Much more intense pleasure via the ear.

Now you can see why the name eargasm surfaces. It's a little "Jenism" I like to toss around. The word eargasm ranks right up there with some other "Jenisms" I would like to now introduce you to:

• Chesticles - the tiny excess fat that oozes out of your dress between the top of your milkers and your nasty arm pit. OR - For men, AKA moobs. Man boobs.


• FUPA - Fat Upper Pu... Area. It's why women eventually have to buy "mom jeans" they need the extra space to hide their kangaroo pouch or the Fetal Hotel.


• Switties - Sweaty Milkers.


• Swussy - Read the above and refer to the below.


• Mooseknuckle - a giant sized Yaybia stuffed into too little fabric.


• NUH!! - This is actually more of an Angelaism than a Jenism. But I officially adopted it and use it at length. Nuh, (especially if you make an ugly face and draw out the N and the H), is affective for stating how gross or strange the situation is.

And these my friends are my random thougths of the day. Take these, be disciples for the isms. They make for interesting conversation.

Peace be with you ... and also with you... **ding-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling**