Attention men! A public service announcement from your wives and girlfriends! Putting the toilet paper roll back on the holder WILL NOT cause brain deformity.

Here is a How To picture just in case you gentlemen forget how this works....

IS THIS THING ON?!?!?!?!

Ok. I grew up an Irish Catholic. We are red nosed fighters who LOVE hops and barley and fermented grapes. Heck, (I gave up cursing for Lent... you guys are SO lucky...), we are Catholic, we drink at mass!! Stand, sit, kneel and donate $$ to the baskets that are thrust into your face. All this activity is like being an aerobic prostitute for faith. All I need are leg warmers and a belt over my unitard. I learned that in order to be heard, I must take the body and soul of JC into my mouth, NOT CHEW, and confess every wrong doing to a male role model who was probably doing some wrong himself... with an alter boy. It was like putting your signals into a blender with serrated mixing spoons.

I went to Catholic school. I am the oldest of 5 and out of ALL my siblings, I am the ONLY 1 who went. I didn't just stop there. I also went to St. Joseph's University. A Jesuit College in Philly. I went there because there was a building named after my great uncle... Father Love. Yeah Hawks I am related to Love Hall. No, not hole... HALL!!!! ;) ( I later transferred to Temple. I needed diversity... and it was less expensive. So rank me up there with Bill Cosby, Bob Saget, and Hall and Oats)

During my years at Catholic school, I was taught how to start my prayers in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost..... my first grade teacher, Sister Brian Joseph, (why were all my nuns named after men?!?!?!?! Gender Blurring is what I call it), told us that making the sign of the cross before we prayed, was like turning our microphone on. A microphone to the Lord. That is how our prayers as a religion were heard above ALL others. Do you know how many nights I spent laying in my bed making the sign of the cross and wondering if my mic was on during the day while I called someone a bad name, or did something wrong? I would say I laid in the dark and crossed, and un-crossed myself at least 2o times. I turned that mic on and off all night until I finally passed out.

CRAP!! (Again, gave up cursing for Lent), do you even KNOW how stressed I was as a child that I was gonna leave my microphone on by accident?!?!? JC might, just MIGHT, and probably WILL hear something I did not want him to hear!! For a female born with the gift of sarcasm in the Catholic Church, (my FAVORITE saying is, "Eve was FRAMED!!"), I knew my mic was my Big Brother.... my potential, and inevitable downfall.


I had NO idea how true this was. I have always been a soft heart within a tough exterior. If you take the time to get to know me, you understand that. (Thanks Kong, my Jewish friend, for understanding me better than most.) Now, hopefully I am in the LAST realm of one of the most difficult points of my adult life, I can pin point the moment God decided to show me that He was, A.) Listening, and, B.) In charge. (I crossed myself just now about 5 times while I was writing this. I STILL get nervous!!)


Picture this: May '05. I had just had my 2nd baby - a girl, (THANK YOU EVE & MARY FOR LISTENING TO THAT PRAYER AND NUDGING THE FATHER AND YOUR SON!!. I had gone through hyperemesis gravidarum, a severe form of morning sickness, with "unrelenting, excessive pregnancy-related nausea and/or vomiting that prevents adequate intake of food and fluids". This means I threw up 4 - 6 times a day EVERY day for 9 months. ALL because I turned my microphone ON and prayed for a girl).

ANYWAY.... I was in the car with my 2 gorgeous "gifts" and a friend and her new "gift". I was with a good friend, Ginger Lord. We were driving to a shopping plaza to get away... (With a 2 year old and 2 infants... AWAY?!?!?!), and she asked me how I made it through my pregnancy while being SO sick. I turned to her and said, "I am a strong woman. I have Eve in my blood. If God needs to hand a complication to someone, let it be me. I can take it. Better me than someone else who can't handle it."

BIG FAT FREAKING MISTAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello? Syphilis! Syphilis! Testies, 1! 2! - 1! 2! My mic was ON!!!! He heard me. Eve took pride. She waved her "Eve"rlasting dust on me. I was pegged. I was, despite my early homeless, and rough years, gonna be put to an even greater test as an adult. God and Eve laughed at my mere peek into the mortal portal. They took my declaration of faith, trust, and human strength and decided that they were gonna make me the female martyr of my personal peer group within my 21st century. An unsure female leader with more on my shoulders than a team of anorexic cheerleaders.

Now, for the last 6 months, I have been been tested. Tested SO hard that, at times, I feel like I just stepped off the short bus, with a nasty case of leprosy and facial acne, into a crowd of popular, judgemental tweens. I feel like Nickelback at a Nickelodeon Teen Choice Awards. And you know what? Like Mindy McCready, I'm still here. I'm still standing. This is not due to my superhuman or omnipotent strength, it's due to the grace of God, and Eve who recognizes that I empathize her centuries of pain and dismissal. Eve, maybe we were both framed.... (Cross, un-cross, cross, un-cross, cross..... and yet it still goes on and on....)

Look, I am no modern Gloria Steinem. I am the breast and I NEED my bras. I love my girls, but I need my bras and I love men. Love, not understand, the minds and hearts of men. But, I do believe that women possess a certain charm, understanding, and a fine-tuning toward the world. AND, I am smart enough to KNOW that I am not the smartest girl in the world. Not by a LONG shot. However, I do have tenacity. I believe that with communication, we can all really co-exist with minimal conflict. Like a Doberman Pincher who adopts kittens, we can learn how to defend, love each other and how to co-exist. None of us needs to be framed.


Now, with this public announcement of egocentric behavior, observation, and self-reflection, I want to say 1 thing to God and the world.... "OLLIE OLLIE OXENFREAKINGFREE!!!!!!!!" Time to turn the mic off!! I don't mind being heard, I just want to make sure that the next time I say something, even with the BEST of intentions, that it is taken with a grain of salt. Hello?!? JC? Eve? Mary? Do you hear me?! Is this thing ON?!?!? I am naturally silly.... I am gonna say the wrong thing at the wrong time. So... in order to avoid carpel tunnel syndrome from all of this crossing and un-crossing of myself.... can anyone tell me, (????), how to tell if my mic is on or off?!?!? Is there an iPhone APP for that?

I'm not sayin'.... I'M JUST SAYIN'!!!! For those who know me... you know what THAT means! For those in the middle seats of this roller coaster ride instead of the front or the back... just hang on... pay attention.... you'll catch on to the thrill soon.

February 16, 2010

Today I am thankful. My little girl turns 5. With a tough 9 month fight with Hyperemesis gravidarum, an extreme, persistent condition that causes nausea and vomiting during pregnancy and led to dehydration and drastic weight loss for mommy, we were afraid we wouldn't have her. She is truly my little miracle. The day she was born, a tulip bloomed in February. God's proof that she was a miracle and my prayers were heard.

I can remember throwing up EVERY day about 4-6 times a day when I was pregnant. I went out and bought the pinkest, frilliest dress I could find. I hung it on the inside door of the bathroom. During the times I was throwing up so hard I popped blood vessels in my face, chest, and body, I would look at that little pink dress and remind myself why fighting through the pain and discomfort was SO important.

My body still shows signs of stress from the condition. I still have red marks from the popped blood vessels that cover parts of my face, arms and chest, and the enamel on my teeth was worn away. I wouldn't change a thing. God wanted to make sure I appreciated Emma. I do - EVERY day.

Days like this remind me how lucky and blessed I truly am. I thank God that He listened to those prayers. Today, and every day with BOTH of my kids, I am too blessed to be stressed.

A Candy Store Grows In Brooklyn

In the middle of the concrete jungle lies a sweet oasis. I walked down the street toward Dewey's Candy behind a young couple. They were engaged in an intense conversation about the state of the economy and the foreclosure rates that friends were facing.

As I stepped into the store, I noticed that the negative discussion suddenly ended. The man turned to his girlfriend, picked up a Sugar Daddy, and immediately broke into a story about some friends in the fourth grade. Just the sight of nostalgic candy suddenly turned the moment on its heel. Laughter and stories of better days suddenly replaced bad feelings.

I was instantly overwhelmed with the absolute artistry of design. Bright colors, laughter, decadent smells, tastes, and textures filled the needs of all of my personal senses.

Upon meeting Alison, I was enamored by her infectious smile, and her charisma. Her past experience was working for Fashion Designer Donna Karan as well as Victoria's Secret.


She elegantly utilized in the layout of her new store. Alison partnered with store design expert Jeff Lee to bring the store vision to life.

"Our most recent birthday party involved personal T-shirt design and confectionary retail therapy. The kids were adorable and the staff had a blast catering to the individual requests of our customers. Every party whether it is on or off site, is tailored to surpass my customer's expectations, while matching the event or age group."

Dewey continued, "I arrived at the store one morning, wearing my work clothes and baseball cap. I was prepared for a day of painting and prep work. When I got here, people were lined up outside waiting to get in. I didn't stop to paint or take a break from catering to happy people until after 9 p.m. It was great."

If you visit New York, this store is a must see. The candy inventory will satisfy both young and seasoned souls. Kids will come for the colorful inventory, and adults will line up for the nostalgic salvation of serotonin and sugar.

Tina Cernero, a graphic artist and friend, developed the logo.
Alison also mentioned many friends including her brother Dean, who supported her venture with Dewey's Candy. After being laid off from VS due to budget concerns, Alison turned a difficult situation into a sweet reality. Hers is a story of inspiration and determination.

Dewey Facts:
Dewey was owner Alison Oblonsky's nickname, given to her by her dad Freddy O.

Opening this store was a labor of love. Ms. O. was looking for a career she enjoyed.

Alison worked for Fashion Designer Donna Karan as well as Victoria's Secret.

The store was designed to satisfy the sweet tooth and bring out your inner child.

Dewey's Candy opened January 1, 2010. The 900 sq. foot space morphed in less than 30 days.

You can follow Dewey's Candy on Twitter http://twitter.com/DeweysCandy
Deweys Candy, (718)-422-1333, is located at 141 Front St. between Pearl and Jay St. in Brooklyn NY.

Accepting Challenges - Our Neverending Story

Accepting Challenges - Our Neverending Story

This 2010, I am devoting some time and personal effort into "Accepting Challenges". This will mean that the rose colored glasses not only have to come off, they have to be ripped off, thrown down, and stomped on in a "Mazel tov" + "Black Eyed Peas" = funky, cool, smooth, fashion.

The invitation is extended. Please, join me on the adventure. I'll be like the Julie from our mental Love Boat. You know, perky and blonde. The communicator who extends her flair for team-building skills, and sudden excuses to celebrate to those she interacts with on a daily basis. Even when the celebration turns out to be just a personal introspection into the environment around us. Find something to celebrate.

Not everything is peachy keen. But the silver lining combined with the small things, and then added to our every day moments deserve to be celebrated. Let's agree to also embrace the challenges we discover along the road. Embrace them. Bitch slap them. Karate chop or high-kick them. Do what YOU need to do. But they are there. Together, we will act like we are getting close to the end of the Neverending Story and must find our new name.

Imagine: Sitting in a scary school attic, with the windows blown open by the thunderous storm that pours upon us with introspection and fantastic education. Seated, criss-cross applesauce style, munching on an apple core; nostrils flared with lightning that strikes like exclamation points on personal learning processes.

Suddenly a silver lining appears! You are face to face with a gorgeous yet innocent looking immortal child with an old soul, (a metaphor for our self conscious), who is looking at you with deep blue, (again, place your preferred color here), eyes that make you feel like you are lost in an mirror of hope. The immortal child asks only one thing from you. Give us a name. Who are we? Who have we become in this frenzied modern world? In the movie, the hero Atreyu rides on the back of a beautiful albino animal, Falkor, that is half dog, and half magic, luckdragon.

I used to have an albino luckdragon. His name was Dusty. He wa s fourteen last spring when we had to put him down before our move from Memphis. I adopted him during my initial move south. Dan and I drove from Dallas to Houston the first month we were dating to adopt him. He was put down, 10 years later, the month Dan and I moved to NJ. For me, Dusty will represent my past adventures and the lessons I learned. My new rescue Taylor Made, who is also strangely light in color, will represent the luckdragon I ride into the future

This is a multi-dimensional adventure that we will conquer together. I will be the amulet known as 'Jennifer'. Together we will go through a quest. I will supply us with the heros, (you, me and our selection of chosen Superfriends), and the tools to solve part of our dilemma. There will be parts of this journey we will have to face alone. In modern times, our journey would be more like the evolution of Madonna. Constantly changing like a beautiful, butterfly with an infinite supply of trendy and bedazzled cocoons tied in a red Kabbalah string.

Adventures #1: Accept a new challenge this week. Identify where you need improvement, and embrace that need as challenges. I am embracing both personal and professional challenges this week. One of my professional challenges happens on Thursday of this week. I am reaching outside of my comfort zone. I have decided that win or lose, I am going to put myself out there. I am going to try something that I am not extremely comfortable with. I am auditioning in front of the CEO of a company for a job. This adventure may not turn out to be successful. The big picture is the adventure. I am going to educate myself along the way.

The personal challenge? Well, we'll talk more about that later this week. It involves putting myself into a uncomfortable situation. It is going to involve having conversations I have been dreading while learning to master emotional turmoil. I am putting my very smart mother's mantra, "Living well is the best revenge", to the test. But first, I am preparing myself for the professional challenge. Once that is conquered, I will be able to freely open myself to the personal challenges that lay in wait toward the end of the week. Come young, padawans. Identify your challenges this week. Let's start this adventure together.

KinConnors Strikes Again!

NEW YEARS EVE 2010
KinConnors Strikes Again!

THANK YOU KIM!

I have the BEST friends in the world. I say it all the time. You should feel that way about yours too. You should be writing volumes on how cool they are. Now, that we have that established, I want to blog-brag about mine. And like I said; Mine are the coolest. Title claimed.

But in ANY case, my BFF and person Kim wins the:
COOLEST FRIEND I HAVE AWARD!

Seriously. She is amazing. I don’t know anyone on Earth with as much knowledge of today’s news, trends and noteworthy people of influence. You know the librarian who is professional, and tenacious, but after tossing her hair, and removing the glasses, she turns into a pussycat doll? Yeah. That's my BFF.

She has won 4 Emmy’s! Yes. She is my Best Friend and I don’t mind tooting her horn a bit. Ever. Here is a picture of my daughter holding Kim's Emmy. I am proud that both of these women are in my life! I hope some of Kim rubs off on Emma through Emmy Osmosis.

This New Years Eve, I had the honor of spending it with my husband, my BFF, her hubby and some great friends! I got the benefits of Kj's hard work and dedicated efforts. She is so cool! cool. Cool. COOL!

KUDOS to the super cool passes that Kim produced from ABC studios, we got to breeze by the cattle call of million partier corral. Can you imagine having such a moment of self-ego indulgement? It was like the masses parted and only the “cool kids” were invited to the party.

I always feel like the coolest kid when I am with her. She always makes me laugh, and feel good about myself. We have had a miniature girl crush on each other for almost 2 decades. And by miniature I mean HUGE. We have a lot of fun memories as girls and women. <3 style="text-align: center;">

We got access to the restricted streets, had a highly coveted cool neck pass, and were the envy of everyone around us. It was cooler than celebrating the Y2K New Years Eve I spent in London, England. Instead, I spent the night making friends with a girl who was living her life's dream of coming to NYC for NYE! Moment captured, and I played a role. International memory # 1,284 and it happened in NYC!

NYE 2010? I was not scared. I was excited! I was gonna spend NYE in Times Square with my BFF! This was a dream come true hand delivered in a Kj box of sweets. I enjoyed every minute I got to share with her and be proud of her. This was all possible because of the hard work, hours and dedication she put in over the years. Again, PROUD! Did I mention that she is beautiful and looks like a Guess? jeans model, cover of a romance novel, and breaker of hearts? She does. She was. She even graduated early with a double major. Perfect. Someday when she is famous I an gonna be out finding her dugout bagels and crispy eggs and bacon between public appearances. That's what BFF's do for their uber famous friends.

A cool fact we learned that night? Military in uniform are allowed to walk around the streets at will. How cool is that? Good job NYCPD! I am actually serious when I say that. That was a cool touch. Way to let our military lead by example. I saw dozens of military heros walking around in uniform with their families and friends and enjoying a moment that was well deserved.

The men and women were openly touched by the gesture. So was I. At exactly at midnight, with the tickertape falling, I took a mental picture and filed it "Moment I was most like the girl kissed by the sailor".



Best part of all this? These were services that Kim offered because she is a smart, observant and caring friend. I never asked. She wanted to help create moments for my family and I. To be honest, they were not things I would have thought were possible. Kim gave me one moment in time.... when I was all that I thought I could be......

P.S. - Did I mention I saw the actual BALL fall IN Times Square and my cool friend Kim got me there? There as in drooling distance to J.Lo, Ryan Seacrest, and the cast of The Jersey Shore. Exactly at midnight in the center of the world with the centers of my popular, cool-kids world. Heaven running through my estrogen nerve endings. Pure Female Bliss.

Most of the world believes the number one problem in the US is apathy. Most people feel more like; who cares? Kim does. I love her for it. love. Love. LOVE! - Men, step-off. This is the point when you go all crazy eyed and have a KinConnor fantasy. Not gonna happen. Think Courtney Cox and Jennifer Anniston. Not the gross way you make it sound in your sick, twisted heads. You have a better chance of seeing the Jen /Courtney or Oprah and Gayle thing happen.



Kim is my hero. She is an incredibly hard worker, and she amazes me every time I talk to her. Just being her friend makes me constantly reevaluate my life and strive to be better.
Living close to her again ranks very high on my “I LOVE being a LIBERTY BELL AGAIN!” list. My kids think Kim Connors is famous. ( Yeah, she’s married and has a new last name, but leave it to Kincade’s offspring to call her Connors. You have NO IDEA how priceless that is!)

I am proud of Kim and want to send a public Thank You your way. Kim, I am blessed to have you in my life and as my friend. You have inspired me to be a better me in 2010. My resolution is to accept challenges and make things happen. Don't take no for an answer and don't let anything get in my way. Kim inspired that in me. I am sure she has inspired greatness out of everyone who meets her. The next time you watch World News Tonight, think of my hard-working friend Kim! "KinConnors" - 4 EVA!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEhruTLgMWY